


A New Diet

by OrangeOctopi7



Series: OrangeOctopi's Stanuary 2020 [3]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Ficlet, Fluff, Gen, It's just fluff that's all it is, Monster Falls AU, Stanuary 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22335955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeOctopi7/pseuds/OrangeOctopi7
Summary: Shortly after his transformation into a gargoyle, Stan finds that his diet has... changed.
Series: OrangeOctopi's Stanuary 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599052
Comments: 19
Kudos: 101





	A New Diet

The hardest part was done now. Stan had convinced everyone that his family’s monstrous transformations were just cheap costumes. They’d gotten through an entire business day without any more major incidents. Now Stan just had to make dinner while Soos closed up the gift shop for the night. 

“Alright, whaddaya kids want?” He grunted, his voice even gravelier now that he’d become a gargoyle.

“A salad.” Dipper answered. Stan and Mabel stared at him in shock. “What? I’m part deer now. Even if I don’t like vegetables, it’s probably all I can digest.”

“Eh, alright.” Stan grabbed one of those pre-made salad bags that Mabel always made him buy and tossed it over his shoulder to Dipper. The boy ripped it open with his teeth, threw away the little packets of dressing and croutons, then pulled out a big green leaf of spinach. He eyed it warily before his impulse to gobble it down took over. He’d eaten half the bag before he stopped just long enough to say “Oh man, this is so much better than I remember.” and continued to gobble down the rest.

“We got another one of those if you want one, Mabel.” Stan assured her.

“No thanks.” the young mermaid assured him from her spot sitting in a kiddie pool beside the kitchen table. “Actually Grunkle Stan, I was wondering if you had any of that trout left from when we went fishing?”

“Well look who’s finally developed good taste!” Stan grinned, opening the freezing and pulling out one of the smaller fish he’d caught that day. “And here I thought you two were the pickiest babies since me at that age!” He tossed her the fish, which she jumped up and caught in her mouth. “Whoa! Impressive, kiddo!”

“Thank you! Thank you!” Mabel took a bow like she was performing for an audience.

Stan turned back to the fridge, this time looking for something to feed himself. He was starving. Maybe he’d have one of the larger fish he’d caught at the lake? One look at those frozen, dead eyes changed his mind. Nothing else in the fridge looked appetizing either, not even the half pound slab of bacon he’d been unthawing for breakfast tomorrow. 

He’d abandoned the fridge and started searching the pantry when a strange sensation shot through him. It was almost like pain, like someone had slapped him  _ hard _ , except the sensation wasn’t coming from any part of his body.

It was coming from the Shack.

Without conscious thought or feeling, Stan shot out of the kitchen, his instincts taking over. Something was in his territory causing damage, and he wasn’t gonna let that go without a fight.

_ Stop intruders, protect home, stop intruders, protect home. _ Those were the only things on his mind now.

He burst into the gift shop, where his instincts had led him, and found a hulking figure. It appeared to have done some damage to one of the support beams next to the souvenirs display.

_ Stop intruders, protect home! _

Stan lunged, tackling the thing to the ground, tearing his claws into its soft… crumbly… clay?

“Woops. Sorry Mr. Pines.” Soos gave a chuckle, like this was perfectly normal.

The old con man snapped out of his rage-induced fog with horror. He looked down and saw one of his claws buried deep into Soos’s thankfully clay chest.  _ If he’d still been human, he’d be… _

“Oh my gosh! Soos, I… Are you ok?”

“Heh, yeah I’m fine.” Soos shrugged. The clay making up his new golem body shifted, filling in the claw marks like they’d never been there at all. The only evidence of Stan’s near-fatal mistake was the large rip through Soos’s T-shirt. “Uh, I’m gonna need a new Shack uniform though. You can take it outta my pay.”

“Nah, this one’s on me kid.” Normally, Stan  _ would  _ take it out of Soos’s pay, but he figured getting the kid a new shirt was the least he could do after he’d nearly killed the guy.

“Wow. Thanks Mr. Pines! Anyway, sorry about the beam. I was trying to move this display case, and I was gonna brace against the beam, but I guess I underestimated how strong my new monster arms are. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.”

Stan felt his heart skip a beat at the thought of Soos trying to do  _ anything  _ else with his home.

“ _ I’ll _ take care of it. For now, just come have dinner with us. You want anything?”

“Nah, I’m good dude. I think I just absorb the dust off the floor for food now.”

Stan glanced around and saw that the place did look like it had been recently swept, despite Soos’s clay body crumbling. It seemed like every little speck of dirt that fell off him got absorbed back into his form through his feet.

“Weird.” Stan said flatly. “Personally, I’m starving, but nothing in the kitchen looks… good…” 

He trailed off as he looked over the display cabinet Soos had tried to move. A cart full of “crystals” (really just colored glass) sat on top, and a box on the shelf below was full of “gold nuggets” (garbage spray painted with metallic gold paint) while beside the cart stood four large stone tablets covered in runes. Most of it was fake, carved styrofoam sprayed with flocking and then spray painted different shades of gray, but one of the rune stones really was made of  _ stone _ . Stan didn’t know why this one in particular caught his attention. He picked it up, looked it over carefully, sniffed it… and then took a bite out of it like it was nothing more than a candy bar. 

Soos stared at his boss, wide eyed.

Stan stared at the stone slab he’d just bit a chunk out of, wide eyed.

They both stared in silent shock at each other for a solid minute, wide eyed.

Finally, Stan swallowed the mothfull of gravel and looked down at the runestone again.

“Welp, I guess this is my life now.” He took another bite, this time chewing it more carefully.

“D’you want me to find you more rocks, Mr. Pines?” Soos asked.

Well, that  _ would  _ be a good way to get Soos out of the house.

“Yeah, thanks Soos.”


End file.
